Summers Eve - Help Cheating Women on Mothers Day

It’s a great feeling, being a mother. You can look down at your children and know that you have no need to drown them all in a bathtub. You can see the little ones and think to yourself “I could have easily backed my minivan into the lake with them all inside and ended the pain but instead I raised them up to be the wonderful things they are today.” Yes, being a mother is something only us women can fully understand. Instead of getting your baby duct taped and shaken until it’s brain bleeds you nourished and cared for your child until it was fully grown.

Well, it’s that caring and nourishment that you now deserve for yourself. It’s your day today and you get to spend the day caring for yourself for once.

Summer’s Eve Feminine Cleansing Cloths.

That’s right, it’s time to cleanse away your dirty sins you create when you are alone in the bathroom. Are you defiling the toilet with solid movements? These cloths can clean you right up. Are you bleeding and have some left over on your skin? Well, instead of letting God find out about that you can use one of these soft wipes and wash yourself right up, no one has to know. Perhaps even you just had a moment with a man and on you sits his sinful seed. Instead of weeping that you have gone against the church and almost condemned yourself to an eternity in hell (because we all know it wasn’t your husband doing the deed) you can use a flushable cloth and send the evil right down the drain.

For testing purposes we tried these out during a ultra heavy bowl movement session. In case anyone has not yet moved on from toilet paper these types of wipes are the new hotness. Once only branded for babies the marketing department of just about every baby wipe and toilet paper company has discovered that adults want to have something soft wiping up their backsides instead of dry abrasive toilet paper. Once people had a taste of how good a rear end can feel with a moist wipe they are hooked and there is now a flood of products on the market trying to grab at this growing market. These Summer’s Eve wipes are no different. They are marked at an adult group, this time women. You can buy them and not have people wonder why you are buying baby wipes. They come in a nice convenient package you can throw right in your purse and you can feel fresh no matter where you go.

Using them felt quite nice. The area cleaned and was left feeling fresh. One thing I noticed was that these cloths were thinner than a lot of others I have used and I doubt could stand up to a huge load. They were also a bit less wide than many, but that is most likely due to the packaging, allowing them to be carried easily. They have a nice sent on them as well, they’ll leave you with a clean sent in case anyone has a need to go down there.

These are a nice thing to have handy when out and about. They’ll let you wipe up anywhere and for any reason. The only thing I find wrong is they aren’t thick enough to take care of really big messes and are not wide enough, but I doubt that will give people much problem.

Ladies toss them in your purse and know that no matter what you do when your out on the town you’ll be about to clean it right up.

Rated 3 thumbs up. Use with caution, not available in all areas, banned where prohibited by law, some terms & conditions apply, not available in GA, TN or Texas. May be habit forming. Not supported by the Honey Dippers of America. Not tested for use in public toliets on America's InterState highways.

Vanilla Tylenol PM or Crack in a Bottle?

This review is a dire warning, a plea to stay away from the product in question. You don’t want to get near it, you don’t want to try it, you want to keep your distance in fear of addiction or overdose. You don’t want to buy it because then you’ll try it and think to yourself “Hey, this is really good, why not?”. You’ll enjoy the feeling. You’ll enjoy the high. You’ll replace other products in your medicine cabinet with it.

Vanilla Tylenol PM Liquid, or is it Liquid Vanilla Tylenol PM, or maybe Tylenol PM Vanilla Liquid? It’s one of them and by me doing that I will be sure to get more results from Google when people search for Tylenol PM Vanilla Liquid review. It’s all about the hits.

So, this product, it’s aimed as a Nyquil competitor. Will they be able to beat out the big Q? Will people jump ship from the old standard of green or red liquid over the counter sleep drug? I sure hope so because this stuff is amazing.

For a moment lets talk about Nyquil. We all secretly love it, admit it. Everyone loves the way it knocks you out, everyone loves the way it gives you a good night sleep, and for some of us out there, everyone loves the way it blows your mind and takes you to a happy place. Try it some time, just take a shot or two and don’t let yourself fall asleep right away. What fun.

But the problem with Nyquil is that flavor. When you take it you know you are taking a drug. It’s not a very good experience. Both flavors, red and green, are the same. They both give you that scrunched up face, they both leave that thick coating down to your stomach, and they both leave that horrible aftertaste in your mouth. If you wanted the joy Nyquil was going to give you then you had to earn it.

But that was the old days. Now it’s 2006. It’s a whole new game now.

I went out to the store and picked myself up a bottle of this stuff as soon as I heard about it (plus a few days due to me not wanting to be knocked out when I had other things to do). There it was in my local Target, almost sold out. I snatched up a bottle, gave the cashier my coupon, and headed home to my to try it out.

I was nervous at first to take a shot. It smelled wonderful, like sweet vanilla, but that can be deceiving. Taste is the true test. Would it taste as good as the smell or would it be a horrible medicine like Nyquil? Well, I took the shot… and it was amazing. No medicine taste, no aftertaste, no thick coating. It was a pleasant experience of a very nice vanilla syrup flavor. Tylenol PM Vanilla Liquid has set a new bar for medicine taste. I couldn’t resist, so I took another. After about a half hour of sitting at my computer thinking about the experience I went back and took another half shot.

I knew things were getting bad.

It was so good I kept wanting more. My choices were either totally overdose and end up in not too good of a condition, or dump this liquid crack out and save myself. Sadly, I chose second option. I dumped out almost the entire bottle down the drain and threw the empty bottle in the trash. It’s not safe to have around. Having something this good around the condo would sure to be tempting. I can just imagine myself coming home from work tired, knowing I want a good night’s sleep and just taking a shot as a night cap, night after night after night.

Well the bottle was in the garbage and I settled myself to watch some anime. It was wonderful. A few hours later I was in that familiar Nyquil high/almost falling asleep phase of life. A little while later I was out and speeding towards the next morning.

I will never want to take Nyquil again. This stuff is amazing and should replace Nyquil in everyone’s medicine cabinet. Tylenol PM Vanilla Liquid is the new standard in knock yourself out with over the counter goodness.

I award the makers a 9 thumbs. Go try it. You won’t regret it, unless you overdose and kill yourself, but then with that you’ll be dead and wont really be able to regret it much. Tylenol PM Vanilla Liquid. Learn it. Love it. Live it.

Sat Night Live said it: Drugs Are U.S.

Good Night & Good Luck.

Black Cherry & Vanilla Coke Earns Thumbs Down

So, how many different types of Coke will come out in any given year? As many as you, the consumer, are willing to purchase in bulk to store away for months after the quasi-disgusting product is discontinued just so that later you have a monopoly on disgusting, oily sludge. In the interest of full disclosure, I should point out that I, too, purchase these products. However, it is only so that I may pass on my potentially life saving opinion to the readers. So we should probably just stick to focusing my rage at you.

We all know Coke is the greatest soda ever invented. We must live in a Moxie-less world and, as such, we accept that Coke rules us all. Sure, Dr. Pepper tastes wonderful (and you can even make a cake with it) but Coke is the Old Reliable of soft drinks. If we were to travel into the generic brands of soda our arms would instantly reach forth toward the most tantalizing mistress in the pop world, Black Cherry. How often in a stoned stupor have we clutched to the over-sized, under-priced bottle thinking “This is too good to be true” and, only a few short sobering hours later learned that we were correct? Black Cherry remains the siren soda of our childhood…and yet, no major company ever comes forth to provide us with a taste worthy of the name. Dear reader, that day has still not come.

Coke couldn’t go balls out with its Black Cherry soda. Instead, like Fox Broadcasting attempting to taint a potential Dave Chappelle pilot, needed to whiten the whole thing up with what they patronizingly term “a kiss” of vanilla. As though we didn’t get enough vanilla in the Coke with Vanilla, Cherry Vanilla Coke, Vanilla Coke with a twist of Lime and all their gay diet variations. They take the one thing this world really needs and ruin it with a flavor that, if I really felt like I needed, I could just pull out of my spice drawer and pour in. I could even get some Vanilla flavored liquors to help out if I couldn’t figure out my spice drawer. Where is the Black Cherry liquor? No where. This soda sucks but sucks marginally less when spiked with Jack.

One thing is for sure we can always pack the shit into a Costco container then ship it off to Canada. A new French fried label and every Canadian will want two. If that fails just offer them a few extra air miles.

No fizz, falls flat.

Things do not go better with this brew.

Jewish People think Young with PassOver Coke

Passover can now go out with a Jewish bang, not so much a review of something new as it is a Public Service Announcement to get you aware of the goodness that the Jewish laws provide for us. Because of their strict rules and dietary needs during Passover those of us who live in and around major concentrations of Jewish folks get to have something special, Passover Coca Cola. What is Passover Coke? Well, it’s Coke as it used it be, coke made with real sugar and not what it’s made with today, high fructose corn syrup.

The first and biggest thing to look for when trying to get yourself some Passover Coca Cola is the yellow cap. For about 2 weeks a year Coca Cola ships these yellow capped bottles to stores, once the shipment is up there’s no more until next year, so get them while you can. Also on the caps are a few Hebrew letters and the U-P, Kosher for Passover, symbol.

The next thing to look at is the ingredients list. All natural. Do you see what’s missing? High fructose corn syrup. Don’t believe me? Go check out a regular bottle of Coke and you’ll see it right on there. This is what makes the difference. Instead of using a chemically processed sugar this stuff uses the real thing, sucrose, the fancy name for table sugar.

In order to test this stuff out I did a side by side comparison. I also included friends who worked for Coca Cola and grew up in a house where only Coke was allowed since their father worked for the company. Side by side the two beverages look exactly the same. Both have the same color and smell the same. The taste, however, is where you can feel the difference. The best way to describe it is that the Passover Coca Cola tastes a lot more real. It doesn’t have the chemical something that the corn syrup one has. It also goes down a lot smoother and cleaner. No after taste. After having a few glasses of the Kosher version I didn’t want to go back to corn syrup. The rest of the people who tasted it said the same thing, that this was the way Coke should taste and how it used to taste before they, Coca Cola got cheap and went with Corn Syrup.

Should you buy this stuff? If you are a Coca Cola fan then the answer is a big yes. Should you stock up on it? Same answer. Call Coke at 800-438-2653 and tell them you must have this product.

8 Thumbs Up. I am not giving it a perfect score because this just reminds me of how things should be, filled with real sugar and happiness, not how they are, with corn syrup and sadness.

Wired n Wooly. That's Cola

NUVA the ring of Death? BETA Testing Now

Once a month birth control–just a dream, right? Wrong. The NuvaRing is now available (like not in beta testing) for everyone. At least for anyone female. Any gynocologist or clinic physician will happily prescribe the new ultra low estrogen NuvaRing for you!

The NuvaRing is about 2 inches and looks like a toddler’s teething ring, the kind you stick in the fridge. In fact you can stick the NuvaRing in the fridge for up to 3 hours (for whatever reason, ie sexual activity ((which is optional BTW)), just for the hell of it, gyno. examination, etc..), without fear of pregnancy.

Basically, pinch the NuvaRing together (it’s flexible) and push it to the far end of the vagina where it is stopped in place by the cervix. And, no, the ring cannot slip any farther beyond the cervix and become ‘lost’, ladies. The NuvaRing sits there for exactly one month’s time. Throughout the month estrogen is magically released from within the ring. At month’s end the NuvaRing is taken out and disposed of for a ring-free week of menstruation. whoo-who?

Pros: Only having to think about it once a month. O Really? Cons: Everything. Yes Really.

The NuvaRing sounds like a good idea–too good. You could be one of the lucky few (or the many?) that are allergic to the NuvaRing. Unfortunately, there’s no way to tell before hand if you’ll have an adverse reaction to the ring. That would be too easy, too safe. The ring’s plastic is allegedly hypo allergenic, but who knows?

Allergic reactions range from pain on the left side of the body, nausea, eye sight problems, vomiting, fainting, frequent bathroom trip of the embarassing and horrible kind. In short, pain. And of course if any of the above happens to you, it is a smart idea to discontinue using the NuvaRing ASAP. Duh.

Also, the NuvaRing could cause behavioral side affects. My girl friend (on the side) reported being extremely angry while on it. So much so that slightly annoying things, like foot tapping, made her completely, irrationally angry. Pissed off women are easy enough to come by without this shit. The last thing you want is your big breasted lover P.O.'d phone in hand, dialing the wife.

Okay, so maybe you’re not allergic to the NuvaRing and have survived without passing out in the woods or going to anger management classes, but you do have a very high chance of developing a yeast infection. I am not talking the one pill three day kind. And it’s not just women who are susceptible to infections, women who never had an infection are developing them with continued NuvaRing use.

The idea of a once a month birth control that you can’t feel or don’t have to worry about appeals to many ladies out there. The NuvaRing is also being heavily pushed as the new substitute for Ortho Evra, AKA the killer patch. Joking aside, the patch kills (too much estrogen) and maybe the NuvaRing does, too? I guess we won’t find out for sure for a couple more months. After all the NuvaRing still is in beta testing.

For my money this baby is 9 thumbs down. Pass me the Linux patch please.

Coke Blak Fresh from ahhhh France

Released 1st in France. Better them than U.S.

Ahh, Pepsi. The innovate with the best of them and throw their products on the market for the public to decide what lives and what dies. They have given us such such joy as Crystal Pepsi and Pepsi Blue. Well, times are changing once again and the market is ready for something new, something extrodinary, something my chemistry teachers had been doing for years. It’s new. It’s Pepsi. It’s coffee. It’s Pepsi Kona.

Wait a second. I just checked my desk calendar. It seems that it’s 2006 and not 1996. Whoops. Lets start this over again.

Ahh, Coca Cola. The innovate with the best of them and throw their products on the market for the public to decide what lives and what dies. They have given us such such joy as New Coke and Surge. Well, times are changing once again and the market is ready for something new, something extraordinary, something my chemistry teacher had been doing for years. It’s new. It’s Coke. It’s coffee. It’s Coke Blak.

Here it is folks, Coke Blak, something I consider to be the current Holy Grail of new products. It’s been a while since I have been excited about a drink like I have been for this one, the rumors have been going around for months, pictures have been leaking out from across the country, people have been questing after it for months now.

Well, the national roll out has happened and Coke Blak will soon be in the hands of millions of Americans across the country for them to try out.

Take a look at the bottle! It’s a fusion beverage. I wonder if fusion is the new extreme. The Ford Fusion. The Gillette Fusion razor. Now we have a fusion beverage. it really is the future.

So, cola and coffee. Is it a good idea? Well, in 1996 when Pepsi Kona came out it was a total failure. It was a failure of such epic proportions that it lives in legend with the soda community. Many have heard of it, few have tried it. Luckily for me I lived in a beta test area for the drink and had the chance to try it out. It was something different, sure, but no one liked it. Pepsi Kona quietly went away and people wondered what Pepsi was thinking when they decided to come out with such a drink. My chemistry teacher continued to make his own Pepsi Kona and the world carried on.

“The marketplace has changed” said Billy Bob “It’s a new time, the people are ready again.”

I wonder how long it is going to take Pepsi to come back out with Pepsi Kona now that Coke has Blak on the marketplace. “Taste the original” or something could be their slogan.

Coke Blak. How does it taste? How does it smell? How does it feel?

The bottle is glass, going back to the old days, and it’s small, and it’s expensive. $6.00 for a four pack. Ouch. Of course I had to buy two. It smells like you would expect it to smell, like cola with a hint of coffee. Sort of like Starbucks in a Coke bottle. Taste? It tastes like something that is calling out for rum. It’s a strange experience. If only it was a new one. After having three little bottles of the stuff I am haunted by my memories of having almost the same thing years ago, except under the Pepsi brand name. When my friends had a taste the reaction was that it was a very nice and smooth drink, a new unique taste that they had never tried before. It was commented that the small bottle and design lends itself to being a good girl drink. Perhaps that is the market that might adopt this beverage. Would I have it again? I doubt I’d want to spend $6.00 on four of them again. Especially that price for a small bottle.

I still give it 4 thumbs and a Bottle Cap Up! Coke Blak is here and it’s worth a try for anyone who never tried Pepsi Kona.

CREST with SCOPE Extreme? This is a DUI Looking to Happen

Now that the excitement over Coca Cola Blak is over it’s time to clean up our teeth and get drunk in the process.

Crest Whitening Plus Scope Extreme.

That’s right, not only are you getting Crest with Scope built in, but you are getting Crest with 50% more Scope in the bottle. There I was, in Wal Mart browsing the tooth paste isle looking for something to replace my current almost empty tube of Aquafresh, it was an exciting time. I was dressed up in short pants and a crappy t-shirt, the only goal for the evening was to get some new tooth paste. I thought I had found some when I came across the Crest with Scope but then I turned around and there it was, Crest with 50% more Scope. I looked at the box in my hand and it was pathetic. Why would I want 50% less Scope when I could have more? My mind was made up. I was going to be extreme and there was nothing anyone could do to stop me.

When I came home I looked over the box and noticed that not only did this toothpaste have 50% more Scope than all other toothpastes, but it was also rated as being almost 2 proof. Sure, it might be a far cry away from the 80 proof Jagermeister that we all love, but that 2 proof was much higher than my other toothpaste, it was that little pick me up that I need so badly each morning. With enough of this stuff I might be able to finally forget about my problems and enjoy life.

So does it work? Does the 50% more Scope really make that much of a difference? Will this stuff replace my morning drink and evening night cap? Would the extreme mint explosion be so powerful that my mouth will be left in awe of the awesome power that it just had in it?

Unfortunately the answer to most of those questions is a big olde NO. Does it work? I suppose so, but no better than any other toothpaste. Does the Scope and all of its 50% more goodness make a difference over other less Scope-y toothpastes? Nope, it’s fresh and all but nothing to get excited about. 2 proof? Sadly I also read on the box that you are not supposed to swallow any of it, that ruins everything. Mint explosion for the win? Not realy, it was hardly a little pop, not the explosion I was hoping for. Heck, I even tried brushing my teeth to see if the 50% more Scope could get me 50% more kisses from my wife. Nope. Didn’t work either. My wife just looked at me funny and walked away.

3 thumbs down. It’s toothpaste and it has a strong flavor, maybe a bit more so than others but nothing too mind blowing. It’s better than my last toothpaste but it’s not shocking enough to make you say “Holy crap, that’s some good toothpaste.”

Maybe we can sell it to Canadians!

New Birds EYE Product has the GIANT Worried

The bag you are holding is special. Yuppers that is just what it says on the bag. My mom always told me I was a special kid and now I have proof.

Birds Eye Steamfresh, Broccoli edition.

Let me set up the scene for you. There I was in the gym a few weeks, a hot body of manly flesh, sweating away the pounds, sculpting myself into the thing of beauty that I stand tall as every morning. During the session I glanced up at the TV and commercial for this wonderful new product and knew that I had to have it. Broccoli from a bag? Brilliant! Broccoli from a bag that can be made right in the microwave? Brilliant! What will people come up with next?

So what is this stuff, anyway? Well, it seems that the brains in the Birds Eye laboratories have reversed engineered the alien technology behind microwave popcorn and applied it to vegetables. No longer are we forced to use a steamer in order to get our veggies to a nice crispy steamed state, we can now catapult ourselves into the 21st century and use our microwave ovens. How amazing is that? Quite frankly, I believe this might be the penultimate way to cook, second only to maybe the rice cooker or a pit of fire that us men use to cook blood dripping meat.

Easy to cook?

Brilliant!

According to the bag all I needed to do was put it in the microwave, turn it on for 5 minutes, and then Pick up here”, in order to get myself some broccoli goodness. So I did just that. The bag puffed up while it was in there, I think I was able to hear some steam escaping while it was cooking. In only a 12th of an hour the microwave beeped. I followed what the bag told me and grabbed the edges, tore at the place the bag told me to, and dumped it onto my plate.

Brilliant!

So how did it taste? Was it as good as the bag promised me it would be? Yes sir, it did. It was crispy, tasted good, and was nice and green. I checked the package to see if maybe it contained chemicals or other non broccoli things in order to get it the way it is. Just broccoli.

Brilliant!

Our man Bob the couch guy would love this stuff, no work required. It would also be great for people in a dorm room with only a microfridge to feed themselves with. It might be a bit pricier than buying it fresh but it will last you longer and is perfect for a quick meal.

I honor this stuff with the Mikey D Holy Grail Cup. No complaints, nothing added. It does exactly what it promises to do. So you can have a bunch of choices in steamed veggie goodness.

I wonder how long it will take before the company decides to add something to extend the products shelf life?

Back to the fields. My boss the giant is trying to think of something to top this one.

That's all for now.