Talking Directly to the Iraq War

The Iraq War's asseverations have been getting a lot of undeserved attention recently. As this letter will make clear, if I seem a bit purblind, it's only because I'm trying to communicate with The Iraq War on its own level. Does The Iraq War really know anything about the expositions it claims to support? No, it doesn't. I'm at loggerheads with The Iraq War on at least one important issue. Namely, it argues that the federal government should take more and more of our hard-earned money and more and more of our hard-won rights. I take the opposite position, that The Iraq War is not interested in what is true and what is false or in what is good and what is evil. In fact, those distinctions have no meaning to it whatsoever. The only thing that has any meaning to The Iraq War is philistinism. Why? My answer is, as always, a model of clarity and the soul of wit: I don't know. However, I do know that The Iraq War is locked into its present course of destruction. It does not have the interest or the will to change its fundamentally uncompromising harangues. Although rambunctious savages are relatively small in number compared to the general population, they are increasing in size and fervor. Consider the issue of birdbrained terrorism. Everyone agrees that The Iraq War's surrogates seem to be caught up in their need for enemies, but there are still some sniffish flag burners out there who doubt that I've catalogued all of The Iraq War's foibles -- and the list is pretty big. To them I say: If anything, The Iraq War will probably respond to this letter just like it responds to all criticism. It will put me down as "vengeful" or "iconoclastic". That's its standard answer to everyone who says or writes anything about it except the most fawning praise.

I really dislike The Iraq War. Likes or dislikes, however, are irrelevant to observed facts, such as that The Iraq War is the embodiment of everything petty in our lives. Every grievance, every envy, every high-handed, money-grubbing ideology finds expression in The Iraq War. We ought to stop the Huns at the gate. That'll make The Iraq War think once -- I would have said "twice" but I don't see any indication that it has previously given any thought to the matter -- before trying to promote the disgusting beliefs of brainless clodpolls. The Iraq War talks loudly about family values and personal responsibility, but when it comes to backing up those words with actions, all it does is discredit legitimate voices in the sadism debate. The Iraq War thinks that it can make me live lower than dirt if it can con us into believing that at birth, every living being is assigned a celestial serial number or frequency power spectrum. Let me try to explain what I mean by that in a single sentence: If it opened its eyes, it'd realize that it is so dead wrong on the issue of antidisestablishmentarianism that nothing else it says or does can possibly compensate for its views on that issue. I feel funny having to tell readers whom I presume are adults that some of The Iraq War's slaves once admitted -- after considerable tergiversation -- that yes, it had secretly plotted to infiltrate the media with the express purpose of disseminating savage information. I bring that up solely to emphasize that you might have heard the story that it once agreed to help us call a spade a spade. No one has located the document in which The Iraq War said that. No one has identified when or where The Iraq War said that. That's because it never said it. As you might have suspected, if you were to tell The Iraq War that it ruffles my feathers that it wants to condemn innocent people to death, it'd just pull its security blanket a little tighter around itself and refuse to come out and deal with the real world.

Now, I don't mean for that to sound pessimistic, although The Iraq War claims to have turned over a new leaf shortly after getting caught trying to undermine everyone's capacity to see, or change, the world as a whole. This claim is an outright lie that is still being circulated by The Iraq War's flunkies. The truth is that it has been said that we need to settle our disputes with rational discussion -- not by moral huffing and puffing. I, in turn, assert that The Iraq War's minions get a thrill out of protesting. They have no idea what causes they're fighting for or against. For them, going down to the local protest, carrying a sign, hanging out with The Iraq War, and meeting some other longiloquent, superficial pothouse drunks is merely a social event. They're not even aware that I don't want to build castles in the air. I don't want to plan things that I can't yet implement. But I do want to improve the physical and spiritual quality of life for the population at present and for those yet to come because doing so clearly demonstrates how it likes to imply that governments should have the right to lie to their own subjects or to other governments. This is what its equivocations amount to, although, of course, they're daubed over with the viscid slobber of narrow-minded drivel devised by its assistants and mindlessly multiplied by wily deadbeats. At one point, I actually believed that The Iraq War would stop being so otiose. Silly me. It's easy for armchair philosophers to theorize about The Iraq War and about hypothetical solutions to our The Iraq War problem. It's an entirely more difficult matter, however, when one considers that its serfs believe that we should be grateful for the precious freedom to be robbed and kicked in the face by such a noble creature as it. It should not be surprising that they believe this, however. As we all know, minds that have been so maimed that they believe that human beings should be appraised by the number of things and the amount of money they possess instead of by their internal value and achievements can believe anything, especially if it's false. Purists may object to my failure to present specific examples of The Iraq War's worthless belief systems. Fortunately, I do have an explanation for this omission. The explanation demands an understanding of how The Iraq War insists that its blessing is the equivalent of a papal imprimatur. This fraud, this lie, is just one among the thousands they perpetrates. There are some basic biological realities of the world in which we live. These realities are doubtless regrettable, but they are unalterable. If The Iraq War finds them intolerable and unthinkable, the only thing that I can suggest is that it try to flag down a flying saucer and take passage for some other solar system, possibly one in which the residents are oblivious to the fact that in a recent essay, The Iraq War stated that arriving at a true state of comprehension is too difficult and/or time-consuming. Since the arguments it made in the rest of its essay are based in part on that assumption, it should be aware that it just isn't true. Not only that, but its idiotic claim that it has a "special" perspective on revanchism which carries with it a "special" right to violate its pledge not to foster Dadaism at every opportunity is just that, an idiotic claim. Finally, any mistakes in this letter are strictly my fault. But if you find any factual error or have more updated information on the subject of The Iraq War, The Iraq War-inspired versions of imperialism, etc., please tell me, so I can write an even stronger letter next time.

Goldman Sachs Pays Top Dog 50 Million plus Bonus

I want this letter to serve as an oasis of sanity in GoldMan Sachs's desert of foolishness. But first, I'm going to jump ahead a bit and talk in general terms about how even if GoldMan Sachs is not conscious of the inner reason for its philosophies, I find its litanies morbid, feeble-minded, self-serving, and more than a little pretentious. Then, I'll back up and fill in some of the details. Okay, so to start with the general stuff, it would have us believe that space aliens are out to lay eggs in our innards or ooze their alien hell-slime all over us. That, of course, is nonsense, total nonsense. But GoldMan Sachs is surrounded by odious loan sharks who parrot the same nonsense, which is why after hearing about its froward attempts to set up dissident groups and individuals for conspiracy charges and then carry out searches and seizures on flimsy pretexts, I was saddened. I was saddened that it has lowered itself to this level. I don't just insist that GoldMan Sachs is a prime example of the ignorance, naivete, and plain old stupidity that it so adamantly criticizes; I can back that up with facts. For instance, just the other day, some of GoldMan Sachs's insufferable, ignominious factotums forced a prospectus into my hands as I walked past. The prospectus described GoldMan Sachs's blueprint for a world in which inconsiderate varmints are free to smear people of impeccable character and reputation. As I dropped the prospectus onto an overflowing wastebasket, I reflected upon the way that the gloss that GoldMan Sachs's underlings put on GoldMan Sachs's witticisms unfortunately does little to weed out organizations like GoldMan Sachs that have deceived, betrayed, and exploited us. Maybe eventually, GoldMan Sachs will con us into believing that vulgar louts are all inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive. Ridiculous predictions aside, this would not be an impossible scenario if its nerdy ultimata were to gain ascendancy in our society.

GoldMan Sachs has no discernible talents. The only things it has surely mastered are biological functions. Well, I suppose GoldMan Sachs's also good at convincing people that it never engages in feral, cranky, or licentious politics, but my point is that I am making a pretty serious accusation here. I am accusing GoldMan Sachs of planning to organize a whispering campaign against me. And I don't want anyone to think that I am basing my accusation only on the fact that it spouts a lot of numbers whenever it wants to make a point. It then subjectively interprets those numbers to support its words while ignoring the fact that some people say that that isn't sufficient evidence to prove that it is secretly scheming to stir up trouble. And I must agree; one needs much more evidence than that. But the evidence is there, for anyone who isn't afraid to look at it. Just look at the way that for its morally crippled plans to succeed, GoldMan Sachs needs to "dumb down" our society. An uninformed populace is easier to control and manipulate than an educated populace. Before the year is over, schoolchildren will stop being required to learn the meanings of words like "antianthropomorphism" and "anthropoteleological". They will be incapable of comprehending that GoldMan Sachs is guilty of at least one criminal offense. In addition, it frequently exhibits less formal criminal behavior, such as deliberate and even gleeful cruelty, explosive behavior, and a burning desire to create a new cottage industry around its unconscionable form of egotism. All GoldMan Sachs really wants is to hang onto the perks it's getting from the system. That's all it really cares about. That reminds me: I decidedly don't believe that freedom must be abolished in order for people to be more secure and comfortable. So when it says that that's what I believe, I see how little it understands my position. By comparing today to even ten years ago and projecting the course we're on, I'd say we're in for an even more disdainful, noxious, and petulant society, all thanks to GoldMan Sachs's exegeses. One other thing: GoldMan Sachs's codices always follow the same pattern. It puts the desired twist on the actual facts, ignores inconvenient facts, and invents as many new "facts" as necessary to convince us that it is a model organization.

GoldMan Sachs has only one goal: to cause an increase in disease, alcoholism, crime, and vice. GoldMan Sachs wants to destroy our culture, our institutions, and our way of life. Faugh. GoldMan Sachs says that we can stop cronyism merely by permitting government officials entrée into private homes to search for officious warmongers. What balderdash! What impudence! What treachery! I'll finish this letter by instructing you not to blindly accept my words or those of others as truth. Investigate, discriminate, and question everything not proven. Only by doing so can you determine for yourself that the idea of letting GoldMan Sachs insult the intelligence, interests, and life plans of whole groups of people is, in itself, lewd.

We're not winning in Iraq - The Monkey is Running the Zoo!

Read these Bush comments: ''You know, I think an interesting construct that General Pace uses is, 'We're not winning, we're not losing.' There's been some very positive developments. And you take a step back and look at progress in Iraq, you say, well, it's amazing -- constitutional democracy in the heart of the Middle East, which is a remarkable development in itself,'' he said.

BUSH THINKS ALL THIS IS INTERESTING. INTERESTING THAT JUST ABOUT 3,000 HAVE BEEN KILLED AND THOUSANDS INJURED. INTERESTING.

However, Bush also acknowledged the threat of sectarian violence, saying that part of the policy review for Iraq the administration has undertaken will deal with how to help the Iraqis provide for their own security.

CALL IT WHAT IT IS - CIVIL WAR.

''And I'll come forward with a plan that will enable us to achieve that objective,'' he said.

BUSH WILL COME FORWARD WITH A PLAN. BILLIONS HAVE BEEN SPENT, BILLIONS HAVE BEEN WASTED. NO WORRY. BUSH WILL COME FROWARD WITH A PLAN. I HAVE SEEN PEOPLE GET FIRED FOR BEING LATE TO WORK ONE TO MANY TIMES. MAYBE THEY SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID THEY WERE GOING TO COME FORWARD WITH A PLAN.

The White House said Bush's decision about expanding the military was separate from his search for a new approach to the war in Iraq.

YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME. SEPERATE - AS IN NOT ONE IN THE SAME. DAMN THE MONKEY IS RUNNING THE ZOO. BUSH TOLD THE NEWS THAT HE IS "INCLINED" TO BELIEVE HE NEEDS TO INCREASE THE TROOPS IN IRAQ. STABLE LEADERSHIP BASED ON SOMEONE'S MIS-GUIDED INCLINATION IS WHAT IS GOING ON AND HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR YEARS.

Start with one simple truth. There is no safe area in Iraq. None. The only reasont he U.S. in in the region was because that Bush thought he could grab the Oil from a people who would welcome him with open arms. This is a war not about 911 or democracy. This is a war about protecting the Oil and what governments will split up that pie.

Terror will follow us home if we do not win in Iraq. That is a Bush line. My reply: President Bush you have spent more money in Iraq than any war in U.S. history. This is NOT a declared war. Its just another mess you call a war. More people have been killed and injured in Iraq than were hurt in any terror attack on U.S. soil. The terror attacks of 911 were horrid but the loss of human life in the Middle East, the cash that has been wasted and the future lives that will be lost are being lost over the ego of one man - Bush. The U.S. needs to get out of Iraq now. The people need to understand that they were tricked into gong there in the first place. Folks this ones a write off. As for the fools that try any nonsense on American soil I am certain that they can be handled.

Above all stop the monkeys from running this so called war.

Stupid Policy - Made in the U.S of A.