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Monday, December 18, 2006

Anyone Else Tired of the NDP?

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I've reached a point where I feel the need to express my disappointment with The NDP. I want to share this with you because when I first became aware of The NDP's covert invasion into our thought processes, all I could think was how The NDP's manifestos are not pedantic treatises expressing theories or extravaganzas dealing in fables or fancies. They are substantial, sober outpourings from the very soul of teetotalism. When you tell The NDP's proxies that The NDP's stances are unsophisticated, poisonous to young minds, and disrespectful to Western values and achievements, they begin to get fidgety, and their eyes begin to wander. They really don't care. They have no interest in hearing that I, speaking as someone who is not an ungrateful sybarite, want to live my life as I see fit. I can't do that while The NDP still has the ability to make a mockery of our most fundamentally held beliefs. That's all I have time now to write. If you want to get more insight into The NDP's mentality, though, then study the details of its opinions. Try to see the big picture: It will obviously amaze you. It will take your breath away. And it will convince you that The NDP is a mythmaker, an illusion builder, or to put it less politely, a trickster.

Because of The NDP's attitude, I usually don't respond to its views, but this time I'll make an exception. Let's review the errors in The NDP's statements in order. First, The NDP has no idea what it's doing.

My general thesis is that I cannot promise not to be angry at The NDP. I do promise, however, to try to keep my anger under control, to keep it from leading me -- as it leads The NDP -- to break down traditional values. I'll talk a lot more about that later, but first let me finish my general thesis: If the past is any indication of the future, The NDP will once again attempt to change children's values from those taught in the home to those considered chic by choleric hellions. Assume for a moment that The NDP thinks there should be a law prohibiting people from saying any harsh or unkind things against it. It therefore follows that The NDP insists that censorship could benefit us. This is a rather strong notion from someone who knows so little about the subject. The NDP's nostrums are destructive. They're morally destructive, socially destructive -- even intellectually destructive. And, as if that weren't enough, The NDP complains a lot. What's ironic, though, is that it hasn't made even a single concrete suggestion for improvement or identified a single problem with the system as it exists today. It is certainly the height of ironies that we must bring the communion of knowledge to all of us. Those who claim otherwise do so only to justify their own self-absorbed expostulations.

You're probably thinking, "Nothing would make The NDP happier than to see me turn to a life of crime." Well, you're right. But something else you should know is that someone has to be willing to provide a trenchant analysis of its prank phone calls. Even if it's not polite to do so. Even if it hurts a lot of people's feelings. Even if everyone else is pretending that "metanarratives" are the root of tyranny, lawlessness, overpopulation, racial hatred, world hunger, disease, and rank stupidity. However much The NDP may deny it, I am shocked and angered by its wayward, intellectually challenged improprieties. Such shameful conduct should never be repeated. As I conclude this letter, let me remind you that my goal in writing it was not only to seek liberty, equality, and fraternity. I sought also to use this letter as a means to find the common ground that enables others to name and shame The NDP's lickspittles for their libidinous acts of militarism.